It's funny how one can make a decision and suddenly find blockages disappearing. Having decided that I was going to take the learning and run, my work/life balance seems to be offering change that I could not have foreseen. In my last post, I had been outlining the difficulty I found fitting in writing - my own writing, that is - during a hectic week, resulting in my plan to drop out of the OU course once I'd received my mark for my play assignment.
Yesterday, whilst discussing the new Single Point of Contact (commonly known as SPoC - I've always loved Star Trek!) coming into force at work on Monday, requiring new shift hours being put in place, my boss offered me a 4-day working week. Instead of 8.30 - 5.00 with an hour for lunch Monday to Friday, I could work 8.00 - 6.00 with 35 minutes for lunch Monday to Thursday or Tuesday to Friday. Just when I was lamenting my lack of time, I'm handed an extra day in my week - and a non-working day at that. Maybe Father Christmas does exist after all!
During this meeting, I was also made to face one of my failings - stubborn pride. I've had a difficult relationship with one of my work colleagues - not entirely unjustified, I might add. One tends not to take to a person who, on their first day back in the office after being off sick for 10 months, finds new colleagues in place (in place for only two weeks, so still a touch nervous and unsure of themselves) and ignores them. After two hours of this non-communicative stranger sitting at the desk behind me, I turned and introduced myself. I found out that she was my team lead counterpart. This behaviour was not confined to me. She treated the other new members of staff in similar vein. I was astonished. I'd never come across such a passive-aggression before. When also liberally littered with bouts of crying, unexplained disappearances from her desk, an apparent inability to answer a telephone because she 'couldn't manage it today', or type 'my hands hurt/eyes are blurred', further frequent sick days and a complete lack of team spirit or consideration for work colleagues, I mounted my high horse, determined never to acknowledge her fey, woebegone languishing and spoke to her only when necessary. And even then, my words were laced with so much ice, I'm surprised she didn't go off sick with frostbite. Her performances caused eye-rolling, laughter and resentment in equal measure amongst other members of staff. One of the women would throw her hand to her forehead and utter an wan 'Ooh!', like a 1930s black-and-white film damsel-in-distress when one of these 'I'm not well!' acts began.
I should have risen above it and tried to maintain some sort of communication. I'm a grown woman. I should not have started to find petty ways to distance myself and freeze her out. An atmosphere pervaded the office when she did (occasionally) turn up for work. Mea culpa.
It has made me reflect on other places where I have galloped my pride down a dead-end street - the only way out being a volte-face and return journey with my dignity crushed underfoot. Its never pretty and the only person who ends up with sleepless nights and indigestion while they dither at the nub-end of the cul-de-sac contemplating the inglorious retracing of steps is me.
I'm not aiming for sainthood, but I would like to be a better person. I wonder if I'll learn from my mistakes.
No comments:
Post a Comment